Committed

So we've probably all read, 'Eat, Pray Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert, but how many of us have read the follow up book, 'Committed'?

Well, I have and I loved, loved, loved it. It's the journey that came after Italy, India and Indonesia and explores the history of marriage; how it came to be, how different cultures experience it and what it means to us modern-folk today.

One point that really stuck with me comes from chapter 2 when Liz spends time with a group of Hmong women. These are simple, rural women; they expect little from life and have none of the luxuries or complications of the western world (are the better or worse off in life?). Liz asks one of the women if her man is a good husband. The woman is confused and asks the translator to repeat themselves. Her answer was this;

Her husband was neither a good husband nor a bad husband. He was just a husband. That's the way husbands are.

OK, this is interesting. As Liz states, the woman talks about the role of 'husband' like it's a 'job description'. Hmmm a little different to how we 2011 people view things me-thinks. So then I put that example against this quote from a few pages on:

We Americans (and yes I think we can be included here) often say that marriage is hard work. I'm not sure the Hmong would understand this notion. Life is hard work, of course and work is hard work, but how does marriage become hard work? Here's how: Marriage becomes hard work once you have poured the entirety of your life's expectations for happiness into the hands of one mere person. Keeping that going is hard work.

One of my personal goals is to never fall into this thinking; I need to be responsible for my happiness (or unhappiness as the case may be). Certainly I need my man to care about my happiness and to encourage it; but it's MINE and I own it. He's just a man, not superman! I have my own interests, friends and lovely interesting things to do. Of course, we have shared interests and things we like to do together, but not everything, ALL the time.
What do you think; am I nutty or hitting the mark? We've been married 3 years this year, so hopefully I'm onto something... Well, maybe check in with me in 30 years and we'll see!

The quotes in this post are from, "Committed' by Elizabeth Gilbert, 2010. You can read more about the book here.